To leave a smile on your face, I will list some of my favorite "facts" about Chuck Norris that were found in a link my dear buddy Russ sent to me:
- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
- A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
- Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
- Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
12 comments:
Oh my gosh! I've been going around saying ridiculous Chuck Norris quotes for like 4 days now, and no one has had any idea of what I've been talking about!
Every year Chuck Norris sends to the IRS blank tax forms, with an attached photograph showing him crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have gone up 13,000 percent.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is slated to have his visage carved into Mt. Rushmore in 2012. He made this known to Congress after walking into a Congressional meeting and declaring it so. He was not denied his right (as he is Chuck Norris).
Chuck Norris tells "yo mamma" jokes to all his enemies. The jokes always have the same punchline: "And now she's dead."
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
When Chuck Norris opens up a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris pops out.
In an unreleased Godzilla feature film, Chuck Norris stars as Mecha-Chuck Norris. This film never made it past the cutting room due to the all too obvious ending.
You forgot the obvious fact that Chuck Norris's sweat restores the virginity of old ladies.
Chuck Norris' hair is often braided and used to fortify suspension bridges, notably San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge (good color match).
Chuck Norris is a man of all skills. He doesn't seem to age and he isn't even Asian?!
Furthermore, the Total Gym infomercials he and Christie Brinkley promoted are a testament to his unmatched martial art skills. If you look closely at the infomercials, you will come to realize that Christie Birnkley's muscle defying smile is in fact not a smile. Chuck Norris has her in a death grip, making her grimmace the whole time.
Chuck always gets his way with the ladies.
Oh yeah, and the total gym really just is Chuck Norris showing up at your door and giving himself a "Total Body Workout" using your face.
Chuck Norris is a WMD.
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